2 months to go back to Indonesia

I cannot imagine that in the next two months, I will go back to Jakarta. And continuing my life there. I would say that these past 10 months had been magical yet surreal. At a point where I realised that everything that I have here is ( highly) fictive or at least temporary.

The kisses, the love, the affection, the flirts, the broken heart, the tears, the passion, the person that I knew and I get in here, and everything that seems sweet here are only a temporary. It was a crystal clear that I would not stay with these people? Realising that these people will be the cohort of human beings that I knew for once of my life time, without knowing is there a slight chance to meet them again in the future?

I even cannot dare my self to be curious in what kind of context I will be ever meet them again? And in what kind of role I would assign myself when that chance of meeting them will happen. Could it be the moment where I meet as a married mother of two them during their summer vacation in Bali? Could it be the moment where I will have a business trip as a ministry in Dubai or New York City? Or could it be the moment where I will continue my study as PhD student in London again (or perhaps Cambridge) ?

There were too many possibilities, too many scenarios that came to my mind. But one thing that i know, everything only has a very small chance to happen. I cannot dare myself to wish that I could meet them again. Even in my wildest dream. I am afraid to fall that hard so that I could be crazily sad when I know that I am no capable of meeting them again in the future.

Geez, this surreal living abroad experience was too good to be true. It was beyond my highest expectation, my wildest dream.I am literally living my life to the fullest here. And I hope I could be grateful enough to have this as my sweet petite personal memories that I will tell my grandchildren. I should be grateful enough without wanting it more, wanting it last a little longer.

No. You already have enough, Sar. Stop this as you already got everything that you wish for, that you dream of.

Do not be too greedy to wish especially dare to pray to Allah that you still want this more. 

Know your limit, know your capacity.